我的天哪 Oh, my God!
2007年9月
我有个纹身 I have a tattoo.
噢 那可不是什么纹身 Oh, that's not a tattoo.
那个啊 亲爱的少年 是一枚浪女戳 That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp.
浪女戳 A tramp stamp.
现在
孩子们 生活中有太多时候 Kids, too often in life,
我们会仓促地做出自己无法承受的选择 we make decisions that we're not prepared to live with.
这个故事讲的就是这样的一次选择 This is a story about those decisions,
以及它所带来的后果 and the consequences that follow.
来道个别吧 孩子们 Say good-bye, kids,
毕竟它马上就要离开我们了 'cause it won't be around much longer.
哦 泰德 你要是把那蝴蝶给洗了 Oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly,
那别人要怎样才能知道 how's everyone gonna know
你是个来自里诺有恋父情节的脱衣舞娘呢 you're a stripper from Reno with Daddy issues?
里诺是美国著名离婚城市 住满三个月者即可离婚
好吧 随便 好好享受这段最后的嘲讽时光吧 Yes, yes, enjoy these final moments of mockery
因为只需要十趟贵得要死的疗程 because in just ten surprisingly expensive sessions,
斯黛拉就能把那只蝴蝶 Stella is gonna zap that butterfly
从我后腰那里除掉了 right off the face of my lower back.
- 斯黛拉是谁 - 斯黛拉•姿曼医生 -Stella? -Dr. Stella Zinman.
她是这行里最棒的 She's the best in the business.
而且她长得还挺不错的 And she's rather cute.
其实 我们今晚要一起去看电影 In fact... we're going to a movie together tonight.
- 什么 - 我约她出去了 -What? -I asked her out.
哦 泰德 你怎么能这样 Oy. Oh. Ted, why would you do that?
你吃错什么药了 What's the matter with you?
怎么了 你这什么意思啊 What? What do you mean?
兄弟啊 兔子不吃窝边草 Dude...don't poop where you eat.
才不是 她不算窝边草 Oh, no, this doesn't count.
如果她是你定期见面 If it's someone you see on a regular basis,
又没办法回避 and you can't avoid them...
而且在目前的情况下 还收你钱的人 And in this case, you're paying them...
那她就是窝边草 then yes, it counts.
泰德 你知道黄金法则的 对吧 Ted,you've heard of the Golden Rule, right?
爱汝之邻 "Love thy neighbor?"
黄金法则其实是 Uh, actually, it's "Do unto others
己所不欲 勿施于人 as you would have them do unto you. "
出自圣经 It's from the Bible.
讨厌啦 泰德 我之后的所有理论基础 Damn it, Ted, I've worked out this whole thing
建立在"爱汝之邻"这则黄金法则之上的 where the Golden Rule is "Love thy neighbor, "
你就别拆我台了 好吗 so just... OK?
"爱汝之邻"是黄金法则 now the Golden Rule is "Love thy neighbor",
但是 还有一条法则远在它之上 But there's one rule above it:
白金法则 the Platinum Rule:
万万不可爱汝之邻 "Never ever, ever, ever, love thy neighbor. "
这说法挺好玩的 Well, that's cute.
但她不是我邻居 是我的医生 But she's not my neighbor; she's my doctor.
所以 失陪一下 So if you'll excuse me...
泰德 巴尼说的有道理 Ted, Barney has a point.
还记得我和电视台里的同事科特的往事吗 Remember what happened with me and Curt down at the station
对啊 记得我们和对门的 Oh, yeah, and remember what happened with us
吉拉德一家的故事吗 and the Gerards across the hall?
要我重提我和酒吧女招待温迪的故事吗 Need I remind you about me and Wendy the Waitress?
我没时间听这些 Yeah, I don't have time for this.
我一弄完头发就立马出门 I'm out the door as soon as I'm finished with my hair.
很好 那我们起码有半个小时的时间 Good, then we've got a solid half hour.
在这段时间内 我们将不遗余力的说服你 And in that time, we will convince you
不走出那扇门半步 not to set foot out that door.
这是一个久远的传说 我的朋友 It's a story older than time, my friend,
它总是按以下八个完全相同的步骤进行 and it always plays out in the same eight steps.
第一步 情窦初开 Step 1. Attraction.
情窦初开
2005年9月
- 不绝对不可能 - 是真的 -No, that's not possible. -It's true.
根本就不可能啊 That's not even possible.
- １２个呢 - 就是没可能啊 -12 of them. -There's no way.
- 嗨巴尼 - 嘿 -Hi, Barney. -Hey.
金汤力是用金酒和汤力水调成的鸡尾酒
- 这是你的金汤力 - 谢谢 -Here's your gin and tonic. -Thanks.
哦 天哪 看我弄的 Oh, gosh. Look at that.
2006年12月
- 嗨 - 嗨你们是我们的邻居吧 -Oh, hi! -Hi. You must be our new neighbors.
- 我叫麦克 - 我叫劳拉 -I'm Michael. -And I'm Laura.
嗨 欢迎入住 Oh, hi, welcome to the building.
你们知道这附近有什么吃早午餐的好地方吗 Do you guys know any good brunch places around here?
我们爱死早午餐了 We love brunch!
2007年10月
你就是罗宾吧 You must be Robin.
嗯 Mmm.
是的 Yeah.
科特•钢铁侠•爱伦 Curt "The Iron Man" Irons.
我是做体育新闻的 I'm gonna be doing sports.
哦 欢迎 Oh. Welcome.
你看着好眼熟 You look really familiar.
你以前是运动员吗 Are you a former athlete?
曲棍球运动员 Hockey.
这种吸引一触即发并且势不可挡 The attraction is instant and undeniable.
而你应该更清楚这点 But you know better.
你见证过身边的朋友们一次次地犯着相同的错误 You've seen your friends make the same mistakes before.
你甚至还偷偷嘲笑过他们 You've laughed smugly at them.
呵呵 一群白痴 Huh huh. Idiots.
但你依旧觉得 这次不一样 But still, you think, "This is different.
白金法则不适用于我 The Platinum Rule doesn't apply to me. "
于是到了第二步 And that's Step 2.
力排众议 Bargaining.
力排众议
我觉得我有点迷上那个播体育的了 I think I've got a little crush on our sports guy.
不会吧 No.
不要这样吧 不妥 不妥 No, don't do it. No, no, no, no.
我懂 我懂 I know, I know.
但他之前是玩曲棍球的 我刚好又是加拿大人 But he used to play hockey, and I'm a Canadian.
我控制不住啊 I can't help it.
他要是还掉了几颗牙的话 If he were missing some teeth,
估计我早就已经献身了 I probably would've already hit that.
罗宾 你错了 Robin, it's a mistake.
记得我和马修那次遇到的事吗 Remember what happened with me and Marshall?
走廊对面的吉拉德夫妇 The Gerards across the hall?
麦克和劳拉 Michael and Laura.
他们太酷了 They're awesome!
我们要邀请他们过来吃晚餐 We're gonna invite them over for dinner.
- 不不真的假的 - 你疯了吗 -No! No! Really? -Are you insane?
伙计们 伙计们 Guys, guys, guys,
这里可是纽约啊 this is New York City.
你从不跟邻居走太近 You don't get close to the neighbors.
在走廊上礼貌地点个头 You nod at them politely in the hall.
要是一段时间没见到他们 You call the cops if you haven't seen
还闻到一股怪味儿 them in a while
就去报个警 仅此而已了 and you smell something funny, and that is it.
我们又不是跟他们约会 We're not gonna date them.
我们只是跟他们交个朋友罢了 We're just gonna be friends with them.
那就是情侣版的约会 That's the couples version of dating.
而且你们已经对他们表现出情侣版的饥渴难耐了 And you've got the couples version of the hots for them.
噢 是啊 Oh, yeah,
你们想跟他们共进早午餐 you want to eat brunch with them.
想跟他们一起去逛陶品小仓是吧 You want to browse at Pottery Barn with them.
你们还想跟他们一起淘古董是吧 You want to go antiquing with them, don't you?
噢 对了 Oh, yeah,
你们还想把他们淘得欲仙欲死是不是啊 you want to antique the crap out of them.
我有必要提醒你们一下 Need I remind you
我和酒吧女招待温迪的事吗 what happened with me and Wendy the Waitress?
我决定去勾搭女招待温迪 I decide to seduce Wendy the Waitress.
- 不不要这样啊 - 申请否决 -No! Don't do it! -Request denied!
哪条准则说过 What rule is there
我不准在我最喜欢的酒吧里 that says I can't seduce the waitress
勾搭女招待吗 at my favorite bar?
不知道啊 还以为你已经有这条准则了 I don't know. I'd expect you to have one already.
对 没准名字还挺俗 Yeah, with some sort of catchy name.
好吧 我没有 Well, I don't.
我现在没有 将来也绝不会有 I don't have one and I never will be
因为这想法好极了 because it's a great idea.
拜托 伙计们 Come on, guys.
她那么好骗 我又那么无聊 She's gullible. I'm bored.
我们多合适啊 We're perfect for each other.
巴尼 Barney.
我们真的很爱这家酒吧 We love this bar.
你要是把女招待温迪惹毛了 If you screw over Wendy the Waitress,
这酒吧可就被你毁了啊 you're going to kill the bar.
- 酒吧毁灭者 - 别毁了酒吧兄弟 -Bar-killer. -Don't kill the bar, dude.
呃 我觉得吧 不会有事的 Yeah, well... I think it'll be okay.
那可是个天大的错误 And it was a huge mistake.
呃 我觉得吧 不会有事的 Yeah, well, I think it'll be okay.
那可是个天大的错误 And it was a huge mistake.
呃 我觉得吧 不会有事的 Yeah, well... I think it'll be okay.
现在
那可是个天大的错误 And it was a huge mistake.
那好吧 我觉得会没事的 Yeah, well... I think it'll be okay.
泰德 相信我 Ted, trust me
你不会想这么做的 You don't want to do this.
你看啊 斯黛拉和我呢 都老大不小了 Look, Stella and I are both adults.
我们都是精明而又成熟的人 We're both smart, mature people
完全有能力做正确的决定 capable of making good decisions.
你连蝴蝶浪女戳都纹上了 You have a butterfly tramp stamp.
我就是去看场电影罢了 We're just seeing a movie.
要是感觉不对劲的话 我会立刻回避的 If it seems at all weird, I'll back off.
所有人都会这么想 That's what everyone thinks.
故事就这样发展到了第三步 And then along comes Step 3:
缴械投降 Submission.
缴械投降
晚安 Night.
嘿 巴尼 Hey, Barney.
卡尔有事走了 你能帮我一下吗 Carl had to take off. You mind giving me a hand?
不胜荣幸 Not at all.
罗宾 Robin.
我搞到两张游骑兵队的票 中区 I got two tickets to the Rangers Center ice.
想去吗 Want to go?
然后我们发现搬家公司的人 And then we discover the movers
把我们装厨具的盒子给弄丢了 lost all our kitchen boxes.
我们大锅小锅一个都没了 We don't have a single pot or pan.
看来我们得叫个外卖了 Guess we're ordering take-out.
想跟我们一起共进晚餐吗 Want to have dinner with us tonight?
- 我太喜欢他们了 - 我也是 -I love them. -Me, too.
哇 Wow.
没想到饮料枪还能这么用 That was an interesting use of the beverage gun.
苏打水什么都能冲掉 Club soda can get anything off.
这一刻终究还是发生了 It finally happened.
一直以来 All this time,
我端给你的每一杯饮料 every drink I brought you...
我都能从中感到我们之间那种无可名状的缘分 I always felt there was this unspoken connection between us.
看来我猜对了 And I was right.
对了 能给我调一杯金汤力吗 Hey, can I get a gin and tonic?
看吧 想必你那杯金汤力肯定没付钱 See, I bet you didn't pay for that gin and tonic.
代价惨重啊 Oh, I paid for it.
但你得承认 打破白金法则 But you got to admit, there is an upside
还是有好处的 to breaking The Platinum Rule.
比如说我要是成她男朋友了 Like maybe as her boyfriend,
没准这治疗费还能打个折 I could get a discount on treatments.
噢 泰德 Oh, Ted.
好处当然会有啊 Of course there's an upside.
仅限刚开始时 At first.
第四步 蝇头小利 That's Step 4. Perks.
蝇头小利
我们去上班可以拼车 We can split a cab to work together.
吃午饭时总有人陪 We always have a standing lunch date.
而且就在昨晚的曲棍球赛上 And last night, at the hockey game,
科特带我进了更衣室 Curt got us into the locker room,
我见到了梅森•雷蒙 and I met Mason Raymond.
温哥华加佬队的左边锋 Left Wing for the Vancouver Canucks.
name-dropping 借自己见过什么名人来自抬身价
往自己脸上贴金这词的反义词该怎么说啊 What's the opposite of name-dropping?
真扫兴 你们一个个的 Damn it, you guys.
兴奋点嘛 Be psyched.
没错 我们是每天都会见面 Yes, we see each other every day,
但我觉得进展的挺顺利啊 but I think it's going really well.
我们当初就是这么想的 That's what we thought.
非常方便 And it's so convenient.
他们就住在对门 They're right across the hall.
比如 星期天吧 Say it's Sunday,
我们想找另一对情侣一起吃个早午餐聚一聚 and we want to have a brunch double date
要找谁呢 with someone?
我们走到对门就行了 We just go across the hall.
再比如 我们想办一个晚宴派对 And say we want to have a dinner party
品尝法国卢瓦尔河谷的 exploring the wine and cuisine
美酒和美食 of France's Loire Valley?
我们只要走到对门就行了 We just go across the hall.
比如 我们想玩猜字游戏了 Say we want to play a game of charades...
你们只要走到对门就行了 You just go across the hall?
各位 为我们高兴点好不好嘛 Come on, people. Get excited for us.
事情进展的相当顺利呀 We've got a great thing going here.
我当初也是这么想的 That's what I thought.
- 老兄你得轻轻弹它 - 你就不能．．． -Dude, you got to flick it. -You don't...
嗨 亲爱的 Hi, sweetie.
这些是我让厨房炸的 不要钱 I had the kitchen whip these up, no charge.
好了 Okay.
拜拜 Bye.
我不是要告别 我暂时还不走 I mean, not bye. I'm not leaving.
我就在那边 I'll be over there.
好吧 Okay.
大伙吃呀 免费的玉米片 Come on, guys. Free nachos.
又怎么了 What?
我们喜欢这酒吧 We like this bar.
别把这酒吧毁了 兄弟 Don't kill the bar, dude.
- 不仅仅如此我们热爱这间酒吧 - 别把它毁了兄弟 -Nay, we love this bar. -Don't kill the bar, dude.
这酒吧就是我们的家啊 This bar is like home to us.
- 别毁了这酒吧兄弟 - 你就是在毁掉这间酒吧 -Don't kill the bar, dude. -You're killing the bar.
我又没在毁酒吧 I am not killing the bar.
女招待温迪 Wendy the Waitress
见识过我在这里是怎样叱诧风云的 has seen how I operate in this place.
我们俩都再清楚不过 It is perfectly clear to everyone involved
这只是一次鱼水之欢罢了 that this is nothing more than a temporary fling.
没事的 It's fine.
其实有事 But it wasn't.
没事的 It's fine.
其实有事 But it wasn't.
没事的 It's fine.
其实有事 But it wasn't.
这就让我们进入第五步 Which brings us to Step 5:
急转直下 The tipping point
但他会在春季训练前重回赛场 but he should be back on the mound by spring training.
以上是体育新闻 And that's sports.
- 回到你那边罗宾 - 谢谢你钢铁侠 -Back to you, Robin. -Thanks, Iron Man.
稍事休息 马上回来 We'll be right back.
结束 And clear.
接下来想做点什么吗 So want to do something later?
呵呵 你现在倒想到理我了 Oh, so you're talking to me now?
你在说些什么啊 What are you talking about?
我在说昨晚的事 I'm talking about last night.
你说你会打电话来 结果没打 You said you'd call and you didn't.
我想死你了 等了一整夜都没见你打过来 I missed you and I waited up, but you didn't call.
太伤我心了 That really hurt.
哦 Oh.
呃 对不起 可能是我忘了吧 Um, I'm sorry, I- I guess I just forgot.
抱歉 亲爱的 I'm sorry, sweetie.
我今晚不想吵架 I don't want to fight tonight.
今天可是我们一星期纪念日啊 It's our first weekiversary.
听我的 你轻轻弹一下 On my suggestion, you flip it.
为什么要弹它 它又不 Why would you flip it? It doesn't...
嘿 温迪 帮个忙 Hey, Wendy, uh, do me a favor
给那边那个漂亮小妞 and send a glass of champagne
送杯香槟过去 to that pretty young thing over there.
你说什么 What?
这边这个 Over there.
你啊 You.
你就是那个漂亮小妞 You're the pretty young thing...
我就是这意思 is what I meant.
香槟 好吗 我请客 Champagne? Would you? On me.
哦 好啊 Oh. Okay.
谢谢 亲爱的 Thanks, sweetie.
好的 Okay.
好了 All right.
好啊 邻居们 Hey, neighbors.
墨西哥人经常会以各种理由举办各种庆典
我们买了墨西哥庆典需要的所有东西 We bought all the fixings for a Mexican fiesta.
哦 Oh.
呃 其实我们买了票... Um, well, we actually have tickets...
大庆典没了它就不完整 那是... And no fiesta would be complete without...
哥们 其实 我们已经有别的计划了 所以... Dude, actually, we made other plans, so...
好吧 一个单词 Okay. One word.
两个音节 听起来像 Two syllables. Sounds like...
游行 游戏 猜字游戏 ... "Parade. " Charades.
猜字游戏 Charades.
你们意下如何啊 What do you say?
-哦 不 -哦 不 -哦 不 -Oh, no. -Oh, no. -Oh, no.
于是我们来到了第六步 which brings us to Step 6.
好了 听着 我要走了 Yeah, listen, I'm leaving.
如果你把剩下的部分写下来的话 So if you want to write the rest of these down,
我明天会拜读的 I will read it tomorrow.
不要这样 泰德 Don't do this, Ted.
你能不把自己贴门上吗 You want to get out of the way?
不要这样 泰德 这是你逼我的 Don't do this, Ted. All right.
你休想 Don't.
哥们 啊 Dude! Gah!
本来很完美的 It was perfect!
你个混蛋 You're such a jerk.
于是我们来到了第六步 Which brings us to Step 6.
你终于意识到你犯下的是一个巨大的错误 You finally realize you've made a huge mistake
现在你得自食其果 and now you have to live with it.
第六步叫做人间...等一下 Step 6 is called Purg... Wait for it.
接着等... Keep waiting...
等到地老天荒方才发现 keep waiting for all eternity
其实根本无路可逃...地狱 only to discover there's no escape-- atory.
人间地狱
天呐 我真是个白痴 God, I'm such an idiot.
没错 Yeah.
科特•钢铁侠•爱伦 Curt "The Iron Man" Irons
到处留爱的便条纸 keeps leaving me love notes on Post-Its.
提词器上面 我的桌子上面 On the teleprompter, on my desk,
咖啡机上面 on the coffee-maker,
还有咖啡机旁边的糖罐上面 on the jar of sugar packets next to the coffee-maker.
给我的糖糖一点小糖糖 "Here's some sugar for my sugar. "
人家可是钢铁侠啊 The Iron Man.
这个我记得 I remember that.
天呐 我们真是白痴 God, we are such idiots.
- 没错 - 每次我们走出家门 -Yup. -Every time we step out the door,
他们都在门口等着我们 they're out there waiting for us.
有时候 我们派泰德先出去侦查一下 Sometimes, we'll send Ted out first as a scout.
外面没人 Nobody's there.
然后我们前脚刚出门 他们后脚就冒出来了 Then we'll go out one second later, and there they are.
真的超级灵异啊 It's freakin' supernatural.
他们是鬼吗 只有我们能看到他们吗 Are they ghosts? Can only we see them?
嘿 邻居 嘿 邻居 嘿 邻居 啊啊啊 "Hey, neighbor. " "Hey, neighbor. " "Hey, neighbor. " Ahh.
唔 这个我记得 Hmm, I remember that.
你们怎么能让我去把女招待温迪啊 How could you guys let me date Wendy the Waitress?
不是吧 你开的什么国际玩笑 Oh, you are kidding me. What?!
-别毁了这间酒吧 哥们 -Don't kill the bar, dude.
我自己的酒吧 My own bar.
我在我自己的酒吧里泡不到妞 I can't hit on women in my own bar.
还记得从前的巴尼吗 Remember the old Barney?
他从前是头雄狮 丛林之王 He was a lion, the king of the jungle,
跟踪他想要的猎物 stalking whatever prey he chose,
伺机捕食 going in for the kill.
你家该不会有个塞满了尸体的肉柜吧 You've got a whole meat locker at home full of corpses, don't you?
看看现在的我 Now look at me.
利爪已钝 金枪不举 Declawed. Neutered.
这里曾经是我的狂野森林 现在却成了驯养我的动物园 What was once my jungle is now my zoo.
而且我还被迫和相同的老母狮子交配 And I am forced to mate with the same old lioness
自始至终 终而复始 again and again and again,
大家还可以携家带口购票观看 while families pay to watch.
呃 这个比喻终于开始崩坏了 Yeah, this metaphor's really falling apart.
孩子们 给我脖子挂个铃铛再挠挠我的肚皮吧 Put a bell around my neck and scratch my belly, kids,
因为我现在只是一只温婉的家猫罢了 for I am just a docile housecat now.
喵呜 Meow.
呃 我们可喜欢这间酒吧了 Well, we love this bar.
你要是甩不掉她 You can't dump her.
就干脆娶了算了 Marry her if you have to.
温迪•女招待-斯丁森 Wendy the Waitress-Hyphen-Stinson.
别毁了这间酒吧 兄弟 Don't kill the bar, dude.
因此 不可避免地 你不得不去做 And so, inevitably, you have to do the thing
你一直以来所惧怕的事 you've been dreading all along.
现在 关系切除术 Now, a relationship-ectomy
是一项相当精密的外科手术 is a delicate surgery as it is,
但根据白金法则 but in the case of the Platinum Rule,
其手法必须非常 非常精准 于是就到了 it takes a very, very steady hand, and that's
第七步 如实摊牌 Step 7：Confrontation.
如实摊牌
科特 我们得好好谈谈 Curt, we need to talk.
我喜欢你 I like you...
两位 我们真的很喜欢你们 Guys, we like you a lot...
我并不喜欢你 I don't like you.
我们假装我们很好 但其实不是 We're pretending this works, but it doesn't.
而且我也不想再整天去猜你到底什么意思了 And I'm getting a little sick of the whole charade.
我们猜字游戏有点玩腻了 We're getting a little sick of charades.
我是说 我对你不是那种喜欢 I mean, I don't like you that way.
我以前的确喜欢过你 I used to like you that way.
但现在我已经看到了所有 But now that I've seen everything
能看的地方了 我不知道怎么说 there is to see, I don't know,
我有点想看看那些相同的部位 I kind of want to see those same parts
只不过是别的女生身上的 just on other girls.
所以也许 我们应该重新变回普通同事的关系 So maybe, we could go back to just being coworkers.
也许我们应该重新变回普通邻居的关系 Maybe we should just go back to being neighbors.
其他女孩和你 如果你也有兴趣加入的话 Other girls and you, if you're into that.
但是其他女孩一定也要在场 But the other girls have to be there, too.
那才是重点 That's the important part.
天哪 你只是害怕 Gosh, you're just terrified
会和别人走得太近 是吧 of ever getting close to anyone, aren't you?
那样也行 就当是那样吧 Or that. Let's say it's that.
我能来杯金汤力吗 So can I get a gin and tonic?
如果这就只是平常恋爱交往的话 And in any other relationship,
那也差不多到头了 that would be it.
故事画上句号 End of story.
但因为你会再次与她狭路相逢 But because you have to see this person again,
所以还会有第八步 心有余悸 there's a Step 8: Fallout.
心有余悸
接下来是 And now, here's
科特•钢铁侠•爱伦带来的体育报道 Curt "The Iron Man" Irons with sports.
科特 Curt?
尼克斯队输了 Well, the Knicks lost.
很伤心 真的 It's sad, really.
他们一度表现出众 They had a real shot.
然后莫名其妙就输了 Then, out of nowhere, game over.
究竟是为什么 And why?
为什么啊 罗宾 Why, Robin?
呃 他们这个赛季的投篮 Uh, well, their perimeter shooting
有点不在状态 has been a little bit off this season...
尼克斯队会输是因为他们 The Knicks lost because they were
害怕受到伤害 afraid of getting hurt.
所以他们根本不敢尝试 So they didn't even try.
你知道我是怎么想的吗 Well, you know what I think?
我觉得 I think
我从一开始就不该喜欢尼克斯队 the Knicks didn't deserve my love to begin with.
尼克斯队太逊了 The Knicks suck.
体育播报就到这里 And that's sports.
你看到什么了吗 Do you see anything?
前方畅通无阻 好的 快走 I think we're clear. Okay, go, go, go!
好险 That was close.
太险了 Too close.
开什么玩笑 You've got to be kidding me.
- 我们该怎么办 - 我也不知道 -What do we do? -I have no idea.
伙计 你们在家吗 Guys, are you there?
我忘带钥匙了 帮我开门吧 I forgot my keys. Can you open up?
只是泰德 It's just Ted.
慢着 Wait!
在吗 伙计们 Hello? Guys?
亲爱的 我们只有这一个选择了 Baby, we only have one choice.
好的 快点 麦克和劳拉很可能... Okay, hurry! Michael and Laura are probably...
你好 邻居 Hey, neighbors.
巴尼 我只是想告诉你 我不觉得难过 Yeah. Barney, I just want you to know, I have no hard feelings.
我们俩在一起确实不是什么好主意 It wasn't the best idea for us to get involved.
希望我们可以继续做朋友 I hope we can still be friends.
谢谢 温迪 当然可以 Thanks, Wendy. Of course we can.
如果你们还需要什么就告诉我 If you need anything else, let me know.
天啊 Wow.
我一定要表扬下温迪 I've got to hand it to Wendy the Waitress:
她这么做真的很成熟 that was very mature of her.
她是准备杀了我 She's gonna try to kill me.
这杯被投毒了 This is poisoned.
什么 你又胡说八道了 What? You're being ridiculous.
你的也被投毒了 Yours is poisoned, too.
她想杀了我 还有每个和我亲近的人 She's trying to kill me and everyone close to me.
- 你说什么呢 - 泰德 -What are you talking about? -Ted!
我们来理一遍事实 我甩了她 Look at the facts: I dump her
她却说 不觉得难过 and she says, "No hard feelings. "
她是个疯子 She's a psycho!
难道还有其他解释吗 What other explanation is there?
呃 你让自己相信她疯了 Uh, that you're letting yourself believe she's crazy
所以你就不用面对其实 so you don't have to face the far more likely possibility
她也不想和你约会的可能性 that she doesn't want to date you either?
马修的汉堡从哪儿来的 Where did Marshall get that hamburger?
不知道 我猜是 I don't know, I guess
温迪拿给他的吧 Wendy the Waitress brought it to him.
不 Nooo!
兄弟 Dude.
不用谢 You're welcome.
等一下 Wait a second.
你就坐在那里 You've been sitting here,
假装是这类事件的专家 pretending to be the expert on all this,
但实际上你们俩的分手却没什么 but the truth is, there was no real fallout
真正的后遗症吗 from your breakup at all?
- 暂时没有 - 你真是个白痴 -Yet. -You're an idiot.
好了 我要走了 All right, I'm taking off.
- 什么 - 我有约了 -What?! -I have a date.
什么 你这个混蛋 Wha...? You are such a jerk!
泰德 你到底有没有在听我说啊 Ted, have you not been listening
情窦初开 力排众议 缴械投降 Attraction, bargaining, submission,
蝇头小利 急转直下 perks, tipping point,
人间地狱 如实摊牌 心有余悸 purgatory, confrontation, fallout!
这些过程都会应验在你身上 These things will all happen to you
就像它会降临到每个人身上一样 as surely as they happened to all of us!
这是自然法则 It's a rule of nature!
够了 我受够你的法则了 Well, I'm sick of all the rules!
你的法则太多了 There's too many of them!
美艳/疯狂坐标系 柠檬法 The Hot/Crazy Scale, the Lemon Law,
白金法则 the Platinum Rule...
如果世界上的每个人 都按照你的每个准则来活的话 If everyone in the world followed every one of your rules,
人类会灭绝的 the human race would cease to exist.
的确 我和斯黛拉确实有可能不会幸福地在一起 Yes, chances are Stella and I are not going to live happily ever after.
甚至还很有可能以悲剧收场 The overwhelming odds have it ending badly.
当这一切终究还是发生了的话 And when that happens,
其理由可能会有千百万种 it'll be for one of a million possible reasons.
但那不表示我不会去尝试 But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna try.
如果我们真的分手了 And when it does fail,
退一万步讲 那也不会是因为所谓的自然法则 so help me God, it's not gonna be because of some rule.
顺便说句 P. S.
我的发型被你弄得超级棒 you just made my hair look awesome.
晚安 Good night.
于是斯黛拉和我就这样约会去了 So Stella and I went on our date.
但是可笑的是 But here's the funny thing:
到头来 那其实根本不算真正的约会 turns out, it wasn't actually a date.
三小时后
所以什么叫做 根本不算真正的约会 So what do you mean "It wasn't a date"?
她觉得我们只是以普通朋友的身份一起去看电影的 She thought we were seeing a movie just as friends.
为什么她会那么想 Why would she think that?
是她在看到你的纹身之后 Did she see your tattoo
觉得你是同志吗 and assume you were gay?
很显然 有明文规定我不能和斯黛拉约会 Apparently, there's a rule that says I can't date Stella.
显然是白金法则 exactly the Platinum Rule.
斯黛拉读了我的博客 Stella reads my blog.
不是 是美国医师协会的规定 No, this rule comes from the American Medical Association.
医生严禁与病人约会 Doctors aren't legally allowed to date their patients.
很遗憾 泰德 Oh, sorry, Ted.
没关系啦 Eh, it's okay.
你们在看什么呢 What are you guys watching?
我和斯黛拉的故事就这样结束了 So that was the end of the story between me and Stella,
至少目前算是告一段落了 at least for the time being.
但我不确定的是 回顾白金法则 But I don't know, looking back on the Platinum Rule,
我认为还有第九步 I think there's a ninth step.
我们称之为 和谐共处 We'll call it Coexistence.
此时你会发现一切愤怒或是怨恨 It's the moment you realize that all that anger
都早已显得毫无作用 and resentment just isn't useful.
谢谢收看 Thanks for watching.
晚安 Good night.
你会开始试着放手 And you start to let go of it.
好啊 伙计们 Hey, guys.
今天晚上你们准备做什么 So what do you guys have going on tonight?
我们邀请了一些朋友 We're going to have a few friends over.
一起来玩猜字游戏 Gonna play some charades.
玩儿得开心点 Have fun.
并且开始自己新的生活 And move on with your life.
只不过需要点时间 It just takes a while.
- 店家赠送 - 谢谢 -On the house. -Thanks.
疯子哦 Cuckoo!